Happiness hit her like a train on a track

     Hey there! It feels like its been a while since I last posted...I mean, I've checked my blog a couple of times during my hiatus, but I haven't really wrote anything.  For the most part, everything has remained stagnant- AJ and I keep making awkward eye contact and my body image is still pretty negative. Not hopeless,  just  really negative. Since I didn't do the fast over break, I gained a shitload of weight. A week ago, my stomach was flat. Now, there's a pouch. It may seem like no big deal for most, but to me, this is equivalent to the sky falling.I worked so hard to get rid of it and now its back. Even though I said that nothings changed, Things have. Most importantly, Fred's back. When I first heard this, I just went completely numb. Not happy, not sad. Its like when he was gone, I was actually OK with it. That meant I could go back to my old neighborhood. Things were almost like they were before. Now that he's back though, I feel like I'm on edge. "What if I see him?" "What will he say?" These thoughts fun through my mind constantly. On a happier note, I spoke to BR today. For the millionth time. Most of the time, its just a few word convo on coach and each time, I give this weird giggle and he smiles back. Enough energy to send me flying to the moon. In addition to that, AJ took his shirt off afterwards! And I saw! I glanced a couple of times (and fought off the urge to stare with my mouth gaping open). It's not a six pack but not flat either. In one word, PERFECTION! If I were pretty, I would of stared. I've learned that staring is something pretty girls can do and ugly girls can't. Speaking of pretty girls, I can officially say with confidence that DT is the biggest slut in her grade. She screwed around with this other girls BF, told people about it, and then lie to the girl's face. CAN YOU SAY SKANK? I am so happy! I hate her with a passion. Maybe the rain's letting up. Maybe the odds are truly in my favor.