This one's for you, DT





There's a fire starting in my heart.

A couple of months ago, i was talking to Kaitlin. I don't remember nor care about what we were saying but she told me that she  isn't very fond of people. I was shocked, needless to say. Now, I can understand perfectly why. Last period, I have a PE class. There's this freshman who I talk to in the class. Let's just say that she is on the promiscuous end of the spectrum...lets call her DT. DT is quite pretty, so naturally she attracts the attention of the pigs, I mean guys in my class...Including him. She's not mean or anything but slowly but surely, I really starting to hate her. Am I jealous? FUCK YEAH. I mean she says she doesn't like attention but she goes around hugging their sweaty asses and says crap like "That's mine and _(insert hot guys name here)'s joke__".All that is running in my head is: bitch please.Maybe I don't hate everyone.But  I can't stand sluts.And I definitely can't stand her.

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew, I was enchanted to meet you.

HELL HAS FROZE OVER!!!!! He finally spoke to me today! We didn't speak about pressing issue like global warming or abortion but we (more likely just I) had a great time conversing about a TI-83 calculator in Pre-Calculus. It was just amazing! As you can probably tell, that made my entire day.

I just came across this picture....i really like it.

Story of my life



This doesn't just apply to love...it kinda applies to everything.

Missing something?



I wish I could get that feeling when I'm not around you.



I wish guys would do that.

 

Did you make it to the milky way to see the light all faded, and that heaven is overrated?

I really like this picture.....I realized that I spend so much time bringing myself down about very little things....we've all got problems. I have mine, you have yours. I have a lot to be thankful for: my family and friends, my health, my family's health, happiness, and the fact that I can enjoy my life. I hope I can always remember this saying. It really means something. I guess life isn't what it seems. I bring myself down about my weight all the time. I guess I just need to accept it for now. I don't think anyone will ever be perfectly contented with themselves. I guess you just get used to the person staring back at you in th mirror.

So, how did you get here, under my skin?

People aren't what they seem. Today, at lunch, I yapping with Kaitlin, as usual. But them something crossed my mind- why doesn't you-know-who have a girlfriend? Kaitlin said it was because he probably doesn't like any of the girls at our tiny school. But I really think it's more. Then I thought: maybe he's abusive. The thouht may seem far fetched to you but if you've seen him, you'd probably suspect the same thing. Its like everyday I learn something new about him. Today I learned that most of the senior boys in my class like to visit strip clubs. And of course, he's one of them. Later on in class, I saw him sitting by himself. There was also an empty chair next to him. I mustered up all of the courage in my being to sit in it. Maybe, just maybe, he'll say something. So, I did it. AND HE DIDNT SAY A FUCKING WORD. I really don't know why, but I was hurt. This points right back to my last post-What does he think of me? Does he know I exist? I really should say something to him...but I'm too scared. When I'm around people I don't know that well, I tend to be very,what's the word, oh yeah, AWKWARD. I jumble up my words, I talk fast, and I shake. I've never really had much of a high self esteem. If you havent noticed, I think I'm fat. My friends reassure me that I'm not but what decent friend would tell another friend that she is fat even when it is true. My hypothesis is that maybe if there was less of me, things would be easier. God, I can't stay on subject. It's probably because there's so much on my mind. Lately, a lot of things have gotten under my skin. Here are some of them:

• The fact that no matter how hard I try, HE will never love me back.
• The fact that I don't know how people truly feel about me, so I know who my real friends are.
• The fact that I probably will be forever alone.

I could probably go on for hours. But I won't. I'll spare you there.

P.S. Hey to my visitors in Germany and Russia!!!!!!!
P.S.S. GREETINGS FROM THE USA!!!!!

Yes, yes, this is what I thought about.

Sometimes I wish I could read minds. Not to be nosy, but to just know how people are feeling. You know, right? I wish I could know how someone feels about me. I sometimes joke that some kids should be happy that they can't read my mind. But I would want to know what others think of me. I know a bunch of people that say things like "I don't care what others think of me."  Excuse my french but I think that's plain old bullshit. YES YOU DO! I care what others think of me. And I know you (whoever is reading this) as well. While I'm not saying to care about what others say or think too much but I think everyone takes it into consideration. Anyways, I keep meeting eyes with this guy. Usually, they're quick glances. But today, he was looking straight at me. Not a glance, but not staring either. In other words, he was taking a good look at me. And I like him. A lot. While Kaitlin and Giselle would be willing to take it further by calling it an obsession, I think it is a simple crush. In a time like this, I would kill to know what he thinks of me. Am I too quiet?(yes) Fat?(probably) A bitch? (hope not) I really want to know. (asking is out of the question). Maybe I should give him a note.(or not) Probably like this:

Who you are is not what you did, you're still an innocent.

Times change. People change. Lives change. Like most life lessons, I've learned this the hard way. I used know this kid. Sweet, gentle, funny, and nice. Over the summer, he started using drugs. Since I moved, I haven't seen him in a while. But today when I went to my grandmother's house, I saw a paper on the couch and I opened it and I realized it was a police flyer with his picture on it saying that he burglarized one of my grandma's neighbors. I could not calm myself down. Of course, I cried. I couldn't help it. My Uncle said that he'd been trying to keep it away from me, but that didn't really help. When I spoke to my guidance counselor at school, he said that I should speak to my aunt about it. I don't know why but, I could not care less about what he did. If someone else robbed my grandmother's neighbor, I would hope that the police catch him. But since its someone I know and love, it's different. Before I never knew why people would help someone they know is a criminal. But now I know. It's because they love them. That is the only reason. Many people say "I would lie, cheat, and steal for you." But turn the tables: What if they lied?What if they cheated?What if they stole? Would you turn them in? If you honestly love someone, you'd be at a crossroads. I'm content with MYSELF when I say, that he's innocent. And he is innocent-to me. Drugs change people, and I have hope that the boy I love and admire is somewhere, deep in the crevices of a monster's heart. I listened to "Innocent" earlier after this first happened. I broke out crying. I also broke out crying when I told Kaitlin and Giselle. I chose my quote to come from "Innocent" because I still see him as an innocent. Most importantly, the song preaches about forgiveness. I forgive him for what he did. I hope the family he hurt forgives him as well.

She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers.

Today, I heard a fact that I pray isn't true; that by the age of two, the framework of our personality is molded. I know for damn sure that I was not shy and awkward when I was two. We always hear about these girls who are ugly ducklings and then grow up to be swans. Or the girl that was shy in middle school but is now the most popular and sought after girl in high school. What pisses me off is simply that I'm not either one of those girls. I was really shy in middle school. Now that I'm in high school, I consider myself not-shy-but-not-outgoing (aka AWKWARD AS HELL). I think I'm really more like "that-girl-who-always-talks-but-no-one-listens." I hate that....sometimes, my friends (who I know don't do it on purpose) ignore me when I speak. I want to be more outgoing. In fact, every summer for the past three years, I've been telling my friend Kaitlin that I want to become more outgoing. She then reminds me that i said that last year and nothings changed. I want to speak and be heard. I want to walk down the hall and someone notice me. I want people to come up to me and talk to me, not vice versa. I want to be so happy being myself that I don't even think about being someone else. I hope things change quick.

Run far away, so I can breathe. Even though you're far from suffocating me.

Why do we always want what we can't have? It fundamental to human nature and its true. So there's this guy that I really like......but he wont give me the time of day. I feel so elated when he glances at me but the minute its over, I always feel really bad. I wish he liked me. But he doesn't and I need to get over it. I know its because I'm not pretty. I'm fat, a nerd, and awkward. Ive been trying to lose weight for a while but nothing seems to work. The only time I've ever lost any weight was when I starved myself for like a week. Maybe I should do that again. I personally think I need to lose weight in my face, cause I have really big cheeks. Why can't I stay on one subject! Theres this kid that likes me but I don't like him back....i just want to be friends. I really wish I liked him back but I don't and probably never will. Its as if I'm setting myself up for failure.

Song Quotes

Do you ever realize that some of the most-useful-life-quotes are those in a song? When you're 16, you do! To make this blog more interesting, for the post title, im going to put a quote from one of my favorite songs....i like everything (pop, rap, country, rock) so there will be a variety. My favorite of all time are

1. Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the light all faded, and that heaven is overrated?- Train: Drops of Jupiter
2.Please don't be in love with someone else- Taylor Swift: Enchanted
3. I'm as free as my hair! -Lady Gaga: Hair
4. If I could find you now, things would get better. -Yellowcard: Ocean Avenue
5. But if this was a movie, you'd be here by now- Taylor Swift: If This Was a Movie


P.S. I seriously wonder if anyone reads this....i hope so....but whatever, ill still blog.

WELCOME ONE AND ALL!

Ive decided to create a blog today...nothing much...just a place to put down my thoughts in a place other than a journal (too much writing). My name is Sara and I live in the most deserted, boring place in the USA. I like boys, Taylor Swift, the Miami Heat and science. Yes, I'm quite an individual! I wonder who is going to read this.......well, anyways, WELCOME TO MY BLOG! I hope you enjoy it!