I usually don't read extremely popular books but I REALLY want to read this book. At first, I didn't understand why a book about BDSM (look it up) was so popular. After browsng the Kindle Store, I decided to read a sample. Needless to say, I fell in love. Though I wouldn't call E.L. James the next Emily Bronte or JK Rowling, I have to say, she has a knack for writing romance novels.
So I assume some people have heard about the book. Let me dispel one rumor: IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT SEX. There is sex in the novel but that is not the main plotline. The story follows Anastasia Steele, a recent college grad and her relaionship with billionaire Christian Grey. Steele, a girl who has never dated before, is immediately attracted to Grey, which is something that puzzles her at first. Grey, a billionaire with demons of his own, is attracted to Steele but yearns for control, something he explicitly states. And that's how far I got. I'm currently on the waiting list (#835) at the local library. I'm really curious to what happens next. I'm dying to read more. I wish I had money to buy a copy. There wasn't any sex in what I read but I am curious to how that's supposed to play a role. I think the book could have been just as good without it.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Where have you been
I used to really like Rihanna. Not that I don't now, but my distaste for her has grown considerably recently. Her vocals haven't changed much but the themes in her songs have. Her songs used to be about dancing and love and what not. Now they are all about sex. Whether it be oral, BDSM, or spontaneous, sex seems to be a recurrent, and irritating theme.
Sex sells. Its that plain and simple. That's why it's in the media. Nothing gets a person's attention (good or bad) better than sex. That's why songs about it are almost always popular. For Rihanna, I guess it started with "S&M." The songs extols the joys of S&M, also known as sadomasochism, (a subset of BDSM) which is the receiving of pleasure by giving or receiving pain. I don't have a problem with S&M or BDSM. They are different types of erotic tastes that many people privately have. I think its perfectly fine to have those tastes, as long as it's safe and consensual. With that being said, I don't think it's okay to write some raunchy song about it just to sell albums.Since it was a major hit, I would assume that afterwards, Rihanna caught on and decided that she would make an album solely devoted to sex. Which she did. To be honest, Talk that Talk should have been named "Talk Some Sex." Most of the songs on the album refers to sex in some way, shape or form. I'd be lying if I said that I hated every song. I do like "We Found Love" and "Where Have You Been" (in addition to "Take Care" on Drake's album) which were not that overtly sexual at all (thank god!) The worst atrocity on this album has got to be "Birthday Cake." Even without the remix with Chris Brown, (remember him? the guy who beat her up and sent her to the hospital? obviously Rihanna doesn't) the song was disgusting. The song probably ranks amongst the most sexual songs that I have heard on the radio, even though at final length it is only 1:18 seconds long. Most of the lyrics include Rihanna chanting "Cake Cake Cake... (15 times)" To end with a hoorah, the songs fades out with her saying "I wanna fuck you right now." I mean, she didn't have to say that. If a person listened to the first minute of the "song" they would have already inferred that line. Before listening to this song, I didn't know cake could mean anything other than a dessert I eat on my birthday. Kudos to Rihanna for making it mean something more perverted.
I hope the old Rihanna comes back. I like the old music much better than the new. Sex sells, but it won't take her far. After a while, people are gonna get tired like me and want to listen to something else.
Sex sells. Its that plain and simple. That's why it's in the media. Nothing gets a person's attention (good or bad) better than sex. That's why songs about it are almost always popular. For Rihanna, I guess it started with "S&M." The songs extols the joys of S&M, also known as sadomasochism, (a subset of BDSM) which is the receiving of pleasure by giving or receiving pain. I don't have a problem with S&M or BDSM. They are different types of erotic tastes that many people privately have. I think its perfectly fine to have those tastes, as long as it's safe and consensual. With that being said, I don't think it's okay to write some raunchy song about it just to sell albums.Since it was a major hit, I would assume that afterwards, Rihanna caught on and decided that she would make an album solely devoted to sex. Which she did. To be honest, Talk that Talk should have been named "Talk Some Sex." Most of the songs on the album refers to sex in some way, shape or form. I'd be lying if I said that I hated every song. I do like "We Found Love" and "Where Have You Been" (in addition to "Take Care" on Drake's album) which were not that overtly sexual at all (thank god!) The worst atrocity on this album has got to be "Birthday Cake." Even without the remix with Chris Brown, (remember him? the guy who beat her up and sent her to the hospital? obviously Rihanna doesn't) the song was disgusting. The song probably ranks amongst the most sexual songs that I have heard on the radio, even though at final length it is only 1:18 seconds long. Most of the lyrics include Rihanna chanting "Cake Cake Cake... (15 times)" To end with a hoorah, the songs fades out with her saying "I wanna fuck you right now." I mean, she didn't have to say that. If a person listened to the first minute of the "song" they would have already inferred that line. Before listening to this song, I didn't know cake could mean anything other than a dessert I eat on my birthday. Kudos to Rihanna for making it mean something more perverted.
I hope the old Rihanna comes back. I like the old music much better than the new. Sex sells, but it won't take her far. After a while, people are gonna get tired like me and want to listen to something else.
Friday, June 22, 2012
'Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten.
I think I heard that for the first time in Lilo and Stitch. Even though she was an only child, she had a really good idea of what family is. My family is different from most. I have a mother, who is the strongest person I know. I have three older brothers, Jack, Fred, and Stephen. And one younger sister, Grace. I don't live with my dad or even know him for that matter. If he were essential to my upbringing, he'd be here. And since he wasn't, it only proved that I didn't need him. Out of sight, out of mind.
Mom- I love my mother. Ya, she's always late, she has poor sense of style, and she gets easily annoyed. I love her. No matter how many "I love yous" I give her, I don't think she knows. She's incredibly strong, too. She moved to the US when she was a teenager, had to learn English on her own, and stay after class at school just to review the material because she didn't understand it. She suffered through an abusive marriage and still found a reason to smile at the end of the day. Every time life gives her lemons, she makes one hell of a lemonade.
Jack- Jack is my oldest brother. He's 23 right now and he's the father to my nephew Elijah. When we were younger, in all honesty, I didn't really know him. He was eight years older than I and had different friends from me. In a way, I didn't see him as my brother, just a "brother" figure. Now that he moved back with his fiancee and son (my nephew), its nice to get to know him and know how proud he is of me. With everything that's going on with Fred, he's been helping my mom better than I could have ever imagined.
Fred- Fred is my older brother. I don't think I've come out and said it before. Out of all three boys, growing up (as in all of 08/96-09/11), he was always my secret favorite. People always said we looked alike (even though I didn't personally see it) and we even have a similar birthmark in the same spot. As a little kid, I used to choose him to fight my petty child arguments with neighborhood kids. We both shared a dry sense of humor and were constantly annoyed by Stephen's laziness and lack of cleanliness. I loved him greatly. Sometimes, you'd think that if you love a person enough, they'd love themselves just as much. And it wasn't the case. I think he turned to drugs because he was depressed with his life. Its not that I condone what he did ( and is still doing) but I understand. He became mean and hateful towards me slowly but surely over time. Looking back, I'm not that surprised. I'm a Straight A student, top of my class, and there's no doubt that I'll be going far. When there's more than one sibling, there's always some form of sibling rivalry, some better than others. My brothers were always jealous of me, mostly because I was the only girl (which meant I would get different gift and always have my own room) and was very good at school. I hate to sound cocky but I understand why. They were jealous and I accept that, simply because I put myself and their shoes. And when I did, I realized that I wouldn't have acted in no way different. I'm no psychologist but I think jealousy is a part of human nature. With success comes jealousy. Its a fact of life.
Stephen- I'm closest in age with him. He's only three years older than me. When we were younger, we used to fight like hell (like brother and sister). We're total opposites. He's skinny, I'm fat. He's street smart, I'm book smart. He's popular, I'm quiet. Teachers know him for his bad behavior, they know me for my good behavior. Due the past couple of months, he's changed considerably. He has a job and cares deeply about it. Theres more but in a way I'm extremely proud of him. I hope he graduates next year. I think he deserves it.
They are my brothers and I love each and every one of them. I hope Fred gets better but heaven forbid that he doesn't, I will forever love him as one of my big brothers.
Grace- Grace, as you may know, is my year old sister. She means everything to me. I knew that I wanted to become a pediatrician but I didn't know I could sub-specialize to help little preemie angels like Grace grow and thrive. Though she's extremely aggressive and can e a lot to handle sometimes, I love her dearly and wouldn't know what I'd be doing for the rest of my life without her.
Mom- I love my mother. Ya, she's always late, she has poor sense of style, and she gets easily annoyed. I love her. No matter how many "I love yous" I give her, I don't think she knows. She's incredibly strong, too. She moved to the US when she was a teenager, had to learn English on her own, and stay after class at school just to review the material because she didn't understand it. She suffered through an abusive marriage and still found a reason to smile at the end of the day. Every time life gives her lemons, she makes one hell of a lemonade.
Jack- Jack is my oldest brother. He's 23 right now and he's the father to my nephew Elijah. When we were younger, in all honesty, I didn't really know him. He was eight years older than I and had different friends from me. In a way, I didn't see him as my brother, just a "brother" figure. Now that he moved back with his fiancee and son (my nephew), its nice to get to know him and know how proud he is of me. With everything that's going on with Fred, he's been helping my mom better than I could have ever imagined.
Fred- Fred is my older brother. I don't think I've come out and said it before. Out of all three boys, growing up (as in all of 08/96-09/11), he was always my secret favorite. People always said we looked alike (even though I didn't personally see it) and we even have a similar birthmark in the same spot. As a little kid, I used to choose him to fight my petty child arguments with neighborhood kids. We both shared a dry sense of humor and were constantly annoyed by Stephen's laziness and lack of cleanliness. I loved him greatly. Sometimes, you'd think that if you love a person enough, they'd love themselves just as much. And it wasn't the case. I think he turned to drugs because he was depressed with his life. Its not that I condone what he did ( and is still doing) but I understand. He became mean and hateful towards me slowly but surely over time. Looking back, I'm not that surprised. I'm a Straight A student, top of my class, and there's no doubt that I'll be going far. When there's more than one sibling, there's always some form of sibling rivalry, some better than others. My brothers were always jealous of me, mostly because I was the only girl (which meant I would get different gift and always have my own room) and was very good at school. I hate to sound cocky but I understand why. They were jealous and I accept that, simply because I put myself and their shoes. And when I did, I realized that I wouldn't have acted in no way different. I'm no psychologist but I think jealousy is a part of human nature. With success comes jealousy. Its a fact of life.
Stephen- I'm closest in age with him. He's only three years older than me. When we were younger, we used to fight like hell (like brother and sister). We're total opposites. He's skinny, I'm fat. He's street smart, I'm book smart. He's popular, I'm quiet. Teachers know him for his bad behavior, they know me for my good behavior. Due the past couple of months, he's changed considerably. He has a job and cares deeply about it. Theres more but in a way I'm extremely proud of him. I hope he graduates next year. I think he deserves it.
They are my brothers and I love each and every one of them. I hope Fred gets better but heaven forbid that he doesn't, I will forever love him as one of my big brothers.
Grace- Grace, as you may know, is my year old sister. She means everything to me. I knew that I wanted to become a pediatrician but I didn't know I could sub-specialize to help little preemie angels like Grace grow and thrive. Though she's extremely aggressive and can e a lot to handle sometimes, I love her dearly and wouldn't know what I'd be doing for the rest of my life without her.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
I just want to be beautiful
So summer is here. I think. Personally, summer doesn't feel that different from the other seasons. So a couple of days ago, I made an Instagram. Not to do much, just take photos and look at other people's photos. Most of the time, I see pictures that are really nice. Other times, I get jealous. I was always chubby when I was younger. Unlike most people, I haven't lost the fat. I hate seeing girls who used to be fat like me get so skinny so quickly. I hate the fact that most girls can wear bikinis and short shorts and not think anything of it, and I cant. I even get pissed when I see girls that I know are fatter than me wearing itty-bitty swim suits. Its what I call "an ugly bitch with a pretty bitch's self esteem" (excuse my french) I wish my self esteem was higher. But the truth is, you can have all of the brains in the world but if you aren't the least bit "pretty", you aren't going anywhere.
So you're thinking "What are you going to do about it?" In all honesty, I really don't know. I've tried "dieting " but it never lasts. I guess I'll try it one last time.
So you're thinking "What are you going to do about it?" In all honesty, I really don't know. I've tried "dieting " but it never lasts. I guess I'll try it one last time.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
Breakaway
What's one of your favorite song? No, not a song you've heard many times and know the lyrics to. I mean, a song that you feel so strongly about you can talk about it for hours. There are probably five songs that make me feel this way. One of them being "Breakaway" by Kelly Clarkson.
After High School, I don't want to stay in my town. I want to move. Most likely, out of state. At one point in my life, I dream of living in White Plains, New York. This, of course, means I will eventually have to breakaway from my family and friends. Its something I've been thinking about for years.
Wanted to belong here/But something felt so wrong here-When I picture my dream life, my hometown isn't part of it. As much as it sounds nice for my children (feels crazy thinking about that) to be raised in the same area as me, its just not possible. I think I've had one too many bad memories in this town. I feel like if I stay here, I'm settling for less. Even the hospital here doesn't look like one I would like to work in one day as a doctor. I feel as if, there's something bigger waiting for me.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly/ I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky- As mentioned before, I really want to become a doctor. It's always been my dream. And yes, I'd do anything to reach it. Even if that means leaving those I love behind. Part of me is excited for graduation because it means I'm one step closer to becoming a doctor. Another part is scared because it means splitting up with my friends and leaving home and entering the world alone. To think its only two years away makes me anxious.
I guess life is about breaking away. Even though I'm kind of scared. I know what it brings me to my dreams and in the end, that's all that matters.
After High School, I don't want to stay in my town. I want to move. Most likely, out of state. At one point in my life, I dream of living in White Plains, New York. This, of course, means I will eventually have to breakaway from my family and friends. Its something I've been thinking about for years.
Wanted to belong here/But something felt so wrong here-When I picture my dream life, my hometown isn't part of it. As much as it sounds nice for my children (feels crazy thinking about that) to be raised in the same area as me, its just not possible. I think I've had one too many bad memories in this town. I feel like if I stay here, I'm settling for less. Even the hospital here doesn't look like one I would like to work in one day as a doctor. I feel as if, there's something bigger waiting for me.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly/ I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky- As mentioned before, I really want to become a doctor. It's always been my dream. And yes, I'd do anything to reach it. Even if that means leaving those I love behind. Part of me is excited for graduation because it means I'm one step closer to becoming a doctor. Another part is scared because it means splitting up with my friends and leaving home and entering the world alone. To think its only two years away makes me anxious.
I guess life is about breaking away. Even though I'm kind of scared. I know what it brings me to my dreams and in the end, that's all that matters.
Marble Hornets and Hopes for Summer
This past Saturday, I, along with Kaitlin, went to Stan's birthday party. Long story short, someone thought it was a bright idea to watch these videos on YouTube called "Marble Hornets." The videos are about this kid named J (or Jay) who has these tapes of this kid named Alex who disappeared after being stressed out from filming a student movie. All of the videos show a bizarre figure (Slender Man) appearing everywhere Alex goes and he becomes paranoid. The deeper into the series (I got up to Entry #28), the more bizarre it gets. Personally, I don't think its real. Its way too freaky to be real. J keeps saying that he wants to quit yet he keeps going back to the abandoned house where Slender Man attacked him before. Towards the end, Stan even thought it was a good idea to sneak up behind me dressed as Slender Man, which scared the living daylights out of me. I really want to finish up those entries. (there's like 20 more) Apparently, its ongoing so they keep uploading more videos. Stan advised me not to watch them by myself, but its summer and I don't have anyone to watch them with. I had a great time at the party. That and the picnic the day before were some of the rare occurrences of "fun" in my life. This summer feels different. I don't know what but think it will be a nice change.I hope it will be.
Friday, June 1, 2012
I'm gonna show him what little girls are made of ... gunpowder and lead!
I love my mom. She's the greatest. She may not come off as that strong, but she is. If you know me, you know that I rarely mention my father, if at all. It sounds stupid, but I don't consider him to be my father. No, I don't believe I was created by Immaculate Conception. I have a biological father. Emotionally, no. A REAL father is there for his kids and loves them and treats their mother with respect. My father did none of these. He abused my mother. I always knew there was bad blood between my mother and father. Whenever I mentioned him, she'd always get pissed and I wouldn't know why. Do I know what he did specifically did to her, no. But something happened. Maybe it was the needle that broke the camel's back. Something bad enough that made a woman like my mother pick up her things, grab her 3 boys and a newly born me and move across the country. My mom couldn't bring anything with her. All of my baby photos and even mine and my brother's birth certificates were left at the house. I hate to think what it's like to be with an abusive man. It scared me to death. Knowing your worst enemy and best friend is the same person. Having to sleep next to them and constantly be in each others presence. I used to get scared and think what it would be like having an abusive parent. Living in a state where fear is your best friend.
This song makes me think what I would do if I were in a bad relationship. I see why abused wives kill their husbands. They become sick of it and think there's no way out. My mom always told me, any girl who wants to be equal with men has no ambitions. Mr Steinbeck re-iterated that for me this past year. I don't need a man to be happy and successful. Yes, I do believe that women are better than men. I guess that is why females live longer than men and we are giving the laborious task of carrying children. If we let men do that, there would be no human race.
This song makes me think what I would do if I were in a bad relationship. I see why abused wives kill their husbands. They become sick of it and think there's no way out. My mom always told me, any girl who wants to be equal with men has no ambitions. Mr Steinbeck re-iterated that for me this past year. I don't need a man to be happy and successful. Yes, I do believe that women are better than men. I guess that is why females live longer than men and we are giving the laborious task of carrying children. If we let men do that, there would be no human race.
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