She said some days I feel like shit, some days I want to quit, and just be normal for a bit.

     I don't understand why my life needs to be so hard. Every time I feel like saying "I can get used to this. Everything will be OK," some thing bad happens. After the last time I saw Fred at my grandmother's house, I stopped going there every morning to wait for my mom to pick me up for school.  Since my aunt leaves for work at 5, I stay home alone waiting for my mom to come. That worked out perfectly until this morning. At about 12:08, I heard a heavy knock at the door. At first I thought it was my aunt, but then I realized the time and that she was not due to leave for another four hours. The only person it could have been was Fred. So he was knocking. Hard. Not to wake us up, more like, beat the door down. So we immediately went to the back bedroom and called 911. I couldn't stop shaking. I kept thinking, what if he breaks a window and comes in and kills us? I thought of my friends, family and AJ. By the time the police came, he was gone. He overturned a sand pot in front of the door and has enough anger to throw sand at some of the neighbors cars. I can't stop worrying. What if I was home alone when this happened? My phone wasn't working that morning. What if I couldn't call the police? Anyways, my aunt and I went to my other aunt's house, which was down the street. I later found out that Fred went to her house first and subsequently slashed one of the tires of her new BMW.
    This isn't the only thing that's caused me to worry about Fred more. I learned about a week ago that one of my great-aunts (grandmother's sister) is schizophrenic. So the next day, I decided to research information on the mental disorder. When I looked at the symptoms, I noticed that Fred had exhibited a lot of them. Disheveled appearance, auditory hallucinations, the fact that 50 percent of schizophrenics use drugs, the fact that its onset is usually late teens early twenties in men (Fred's age),and paranoia. What if Fred's schizophrenic???? No diagnosis could take away the fact that he is my brother and I love him dearly. But this changes everything. Schizophrenia is a chronic and debilitating disorder. If it turns out to be this, I may never have the old Fred back. I miss him so much .
     Why does life always have to be so hard? I'm not asking for absolute perfection but why can't god let me enjoy my teen years like everyone else. I say it to my friends a lot but its really true: I was under the impression that my teen years would be the best years of my life....they're actually turning out to be the worst. Why can't I just live a normal life with my mom and my siblings, why must everything be so hard. I spoke to my guidance counselor about it and he said not to let it affect my school work. But I can't. I can't stop thinking about what is going to go wrong. I just want my family and everyone I know to be happy, healthy, and safe. Is that too much to ask for? I guess so.