Chasing Pavements

    Chasing Pavements- Adele
I've made up my mind,
Don't need to think it over
If I'm wrong, I am right
Don't need to look no further,
This ain't lust
I know this is love
But, if I tell the world
I'll never say enough
'cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do
If I end up with you

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements
Even if it leads nowhere

 Things are really weird right now. I like AJ a lot but I don't like him at the same time. In short, he's not the guy I'd thought he's be. I used to think he was really sweet and caring but now, he's been a real jerk to some people. One day he's all sweet and I'm comfortable talking to him, and the next, he comes in with cornrows looking like he just got out of a hostage seige in the ghetto. What am I supposed to do on D-Day (the day I tell him that I like him)? When I first thought of the plan, it was fool proof because I thought he was a nice guy and he wouldn't be mean about it and make fun of me. But now, I'm scared. I'd rather him say "Sorry. I don't feel that way with you." than say nothing. Silence always kills me. 
     When I first realized that I liked him, I thought to myself "Sara, you know this isn't a good idea.It was like 7th grade all over again. It was this kid named Bryan. He was in 8th grade and I was in 7th... Never spoke a word to him yet I was head over heels obsessed with him. It was so bad that I had asked Kaitlin to print out his yearbook picture and I carried it wherever I went. Back to AJ. I hope I end up saying something to him. Part of me is kicking myself for liking him in the first place. It's really like I'm chasing pavements-a road that goes nowhere. Another part of me is saying, "Well, your life's going down one too...What have you got to lose?"
     Liking him has made me learn so much more about myself. In other words, I can be a jealous bitch. There's this tramp (not DT) in our Pre-Calc class and she's always throwing herself at him. I'm not saying I hate her, but lets just say if she were hit by a bus, I'd be driving that bus. (can't remember where I got that) But anyways, he takes the bait everytime. The way he smiles at her, asks her for help (mind you she's failing), and wraps his arm around her ignites a fire in the area that's supposed to be my heart. I can't help but think "That should be me."
    Its not like I didn't know I was gonna end up going down this road, but I wish it were a bit easier.