I'm gonna say something to AJ. I decided that Saturday night. I feel this sense of urgency to say something to him before his last day of school, which is earlier because he is a senior and I'm not. I don't have the details but what ever I'm gonna say is along the lines of "Well, I know you don't feel the same way but, I kinda like you. I just wanted you to know that. Bye." I can't think of anything else to say. Stan warned me not to put him in a bad place...or make things extremely awkward. But I REALLY want him to know. This is more than just telling the guy I like my true feelings. It's so much more. I want to be in control of my fate for once. If I end up with a boyfriend, I want it to be MY doing. More likely than not, if I end up heartbroken, I want it to be MY doing so, not anybody else. I want control. As usual there is a Taylor Swift song that goes perfectly well with my mindset. Its called "Untouchable." This song eerily describes my predicament. Every time I hear it, my body just freezes. Here are some of the lyrics:
Untouchable
Untouchable like a distant diamond sky
I'm reaching out and I just can't tell you why
I'm caught up in you, I'm caught up in you
Untouchable, burning brighter than the sun
And when you're close, I feel like coming undone
In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream
It's like a million little stars spelling out your name
You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together
Come on, come on, little taste of heaven
In the middle of the night waking from this dream
I wanna feel you by my side, standing next to me
You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together
Come on, come on, little taste of heaven
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