I tried so hard, and got so far, in the end, it doesn't even matter.

     So today I took finished my midterms and got my final grades for the semester. I'm not to sure about how I feel about it. I mean, there's all the shit that's going on at home, my grandmother has pneumonia, and I miss my brothers terribly.  Yesterday while at a "study session", which turned in to one big hilarious shit talking fest, a certain friend remarked on why he stopped striving for straight A's. He said that life was much more fun once you let go a little. I currently don't have straight A's, and for the most part (excluding earlier), I'm pretty fine. Jealous Assholes try to make me dwell on the fact that I don't have them (as if having straight A's makes your life any better, happier, or enjoyable) but I'm fine. Life goes on, the sun keeps shining. Sometimes my best won't be an A. Compared to last year, I'm much more happier (albeit more easily irritated). I guess I'm more laissez faire than I was before. I have clubs, I actually do crap outside of school (contrary to popular belief, school isn't the only gig I have going) and spend time doing miscellaneous activities (spending time with family and Grace). I'd rather have true friends, happiness, and sanity, than to drive myself to the brink (or the need of therapy) just for an A on a piece of paper. While A's are nice, they REALLY aren't everything, an idea that is becoming more clear by the second. I can become a doctor without getting straight A's. My calculus teacher (as evil as she can be) even prided herself in being my first teacher to give me a B. Kudos to her. But, I realized (in 20 minutes), that I'm kind of, no, I AM proud of myself. Having 3 AP classes, at least 4 hours of homework a night, my leadership program, NHS, and somehow making new friends has brought me farther than any A I could have ever received. In a way, I took my grades for granted. This was the first time, my best wasn't good enough. Even the best fall down sometimes. I've fallen and I've gotten right back up. I'm kind of glad that this happened. Failure is inevitable and I'm glad to have faced it now and moved on than to have gotten the A and continued to live in a fool's paradise.