Catch Up

     I feel like summer is going by way too fast. In less than a month, I will be starting the 11th grade, which I am not thrilled to do. Yes, that puts me closer to graduating and leaving, but I can already tell that I am going to be extremely stressed out with two APs, honors, SAT/ACT tests, and other commitments. School hasn't even started yet and I already have an essay to write, a calculus packet with over 100 questions, in addition to a school wide summer reading book. A lot of things have changed in the past month. But here are the big three.
Change #1- I think it's safe to say that I'm over AJ. I don't have any bad feelings over him because of D-day and everything, but I still feel embarrassed over everything. I used to be sad whenever I realized the fact that I won't see him again but now his absence seems to be a great relief to me. With me, I don't just "get over" a guy and just go through a time when I don't like anybody. Its more like my subconscious says "On to the next one!" and within a week I like someone else. This guy isn't new and my feelings for him aren't either. I've liked this guy since 8th grade. What sucks is that when I didn't like him, we had five classes together, were kinda sorta friends and he hugged me on the last day of 7th grade. The great thing is that we're in the same grade and I usually see him a lot in the hallways. I haven't decided on an alias yet. I look forward to a year full of awkward stares and glances.
Change #2- I did something this summer that I've never done before- wear a bikini to the pool/beach. Before, I would always wear those two pieces that cover the stomach (I think its called a tankini). While I don't have a rockin' body, I think I look fine. If I don't wear a bikini now, when will I? I'm definitely not waiting till I'm older (god knows how much weight I will gain by then). So I asked my mom about it and she said yes, but with a large amount of reluctance. I wore my first bikini on June 30th 2012 on vacation. I know it sounds cheesy putting the date and stuff but I think that was a big day for me.
Change #3- Fred. A couple of weeks ago, my mother filed for a protection order against my brother, Fred. The protection order, also known as a restraining order, required that Fred stay away from my mother and Grace at all times. Jack, my oldest brother, still tried to serve as an intermediary between them. As time went on, Fred's relationship with Jack and my mother deteriorated. His behavior became more and more erratic and endangering to Grace.She, being a two year old, became significantly aggressive and started slapping, throwing shoes, and she learned to say "Oh, Shit!". The protective order was officially given about three weeks ago and Fred was told to stay away from my mother and Grace. He fled to my grandmother's house and started problems there. He vandalized the car of the tenants who are renting the upstairs rooms. When my uncle Sean returned from vacation, he told Fred to go and never come back. Out of respect, he left. Only to go back to my mother and therefore breaking the protective order. My mother previously changed the locks and closed the windows and was not home when he returned. Fred broke the windows to the apartment and entered. My mother called the police and he was arrested. She slept over my aunts house and stayed in my room with Grace. It's just hit me that I haven't cried yet. And I really feel like it. When he was here, I just wanted him gone so I wouldn't be so scared. Now that he's gone, I feel weird. It's a mix of anxiety and relief, as odd as it sounds. I feel especially bad for my mother. A few days before, I was looking through some old baby photos and asking how each of us were like when we were babies. Then I came to him and I asked her. And she was like "He gave me the least problems...If you gave him Cheerios and put him in front of the TV, it was as if there was no baby." Growing up, I don't ever recall Fred getting into trouble. This would have been easier if it had been Stephen or Jack simply because they have always given my mother trouble. Its so weird thinking that the child you expected the best from has let you down and is continuing to let you down. I used to get upset at my mom for not calling the police when she should have and letting Fred push all three of us (Me, Stephen, and Jack) away but I see perfectly why. When it's your child, the last thing you want to do is give up. But there comes a time when you have to give up and save yourself, which I think is perfectly okay.