Questionnaire

Here you go Giselle,

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?- No
2. You talked to an ex today, correct?- I have no exes.
4. Is trust a big issue for you?- Not really
5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?- I wish
6. What are you excited for?- Graduation
7. What happened tonight? Nothing
8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?Yes
9. Is confidence cute? Kind of
10. What is the last beverage you had? Milk
11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? None
12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Yes, 2
13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Nothing
14. What are you going to spend money on next? Clothes.
15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? No
16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Yes
17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? My mother
18. The last time you felt broken? Two weeks ago
19. Have you had sex today? No
20. Are you starting to realize anything? My life is boring
21. Are you in a good mood? Yes
22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? No
23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Probably
24. What do you want right this second? Someone to hang out with
25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? I hope that bitch falls in a ditch.
26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Yes
27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? No
28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? Yesterday's lunch
29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? Yes
30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Yes
31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? No
32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? No
33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? No
34. Listening to? Taylor Swift, all day everyday.
35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Yes, math mostly
36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? Yes
37. Do you believe in love at first sight? I wouldn't know
38. Who did you last call? My mom
39. Who was the last person you danced with? Don't remember
40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because I loved them.
41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? Months ago
42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? No, but I wish I had
43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Nope (thank the lord)
44. Do you tan in the nude? I'm too dark to tan
45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? Not for the world
46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? No
47. Who was the last person to call you? My mom
48. Do you sing in the shower? Yes
49. Do you dance in the car? No. Only because my car doesn't have tinted windows.
50. Ever used a bow and arrow? No
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? A month ago
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? NO
53. Is Christmas stressful? Not for me. I just receive the gifts.
54. Ever eat a pierogi? I'm not Polish.
55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? DOCTOR
57. Do you believe in ghosts? Not sure
58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? YES
59. Take a vitamin daily? No
60. Wear slippers? No I have carpet
61. Wear a bath robe? No, I like to air dry after a shower.
62. What do you wear to bed? Pajamas
63. First concert? Haven't been to a real one yet...Hopefully Taylor Swift next Spring
64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Wal-Mart
65. Nike or Adidas? Nike
66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Neither
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?Peanuts
68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? Enchanted, Back to December, Untouchable, Forever and Always, and EVERYTHING ELSE
69. Ever take dance lessons? Yes, Jazz when I was little
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Doctor
71. Can you curl your tongue? Yes
72. Ever won a spelling bee?Nope
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes
74. What is your favorite book? The Pact by Jodi Picoult
75. Do you study better with or without music? Without
76. Regularly burn incense? No
77. Ever been in love? No
78. Who would you like to see in concert?Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry
79. What was the last concert you saw? Refer to the original "concert" question
80. Hot tea or cold tea? Hot
81. Tea or coffee? Tea
82. Favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip
83. Can you swim well? I'm black
84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes
85. Are you patient? No
86. DJ or band, at a wedding? Band
87. Ever won a contest? Yes
88. Ever have plastic surgery? No
89. Which are better black or green olives? Black is always better
90. Opinions on sex before marriage? Fine as long as both people consent
91. Best room for a fireplace? Living room
92. Do you want to get married? Yes.

Because these things will change

     My aunt tells me that change is the one constant of life. Everyone and everything changes. In all honesty, I like the person I'm changing into. I trust no one, other than my mom whom I trust with all of my heart, I've learned that I can't force people into my life, people come and go, and most importantly, I stopped (for the most part) being so selfish. The last thing was probably the hardest since its so easy to say "Why does everything happen to me?" and its not easy to realize that not everything happening to you. I like the fact that slowly (but surely) I'm becoming more social and less shy, something I've been wanting for years. I like being with different people and hearing different stories than my usual friends. With that being said, I also love being alone and working independently. Because when push comes to shove, people will bail- "friends" will betray you. While I do accept (and ask for) help when its needed , I don't like using others as a crutch... Its just not how my mother raised me. That leads to my next subject- dating or courtship, which shouldn't really be a subject but I always have to put my two cents into everything. Its not that I don't want a guy, but its simply that I don't need a guy. People around you don't equate to happiness. Kurt Cobain was loved by millions but he still committed suicide. My grandmother always tells me not to let guys "whisper in my ear" (don't know why I set that off in quotes) and that I should wait. Since my grandmother has been right about everything, I've decided to listen to her before I get my heart broken or find myself alone, not in med school, and a mother. I think the vast majority of high school relationships are pointless. Not because I want all of them to fail, but (correct me if I'm wrong) because most of them don't seem to be worth the heartache and pain when break ups occur. I don't want to tell my daughters about the 50 men I dated before I met their father. I would rather just speak about 3 or 4 good relationships that led me to the right one.
     The only thing that hasn't changed is my final destination. I want to be either a neonatologist or a pediatric psychiatrist when I grow up. I seriously can't wait to graduate high school and just be done with all of the trifle little things and people. I haven't decided where I want to go (mostly honors med programs up north), but by God I know where I want to end up. Even though its considered normal to not know what your career path may be, I don't think there has ever been a day in my life where I didn't see myself becoming a MD. I know that the road is tough (and expensive) but I think I can manage.
     I used to despise change. Even though I've gone through things that I wouldn't wish on someone else, it has made me who I am. What doesn't kill you truly makes you stronger. And I wouldn't change that for the world.

Thoughts During School

     As you may have noticed (but I doubt you actually did), I haven't blogged much. Mostly because (contrary to what you may believe) I have things to do after school and/or weekends- homework. But lately, I've been spending most of my days in my personal hell/heaven (depending on the day)- School. During school, I think. Sometimes about what is being said, the intelligence of my peers, or anything else. Here are the most common thoughts:

• *When I see the kids (excluding my good-looking friends)*-My school is full of creatures. 
• *When one kid won't stop blathering to my Calculus teacher (and me on occasion)*-Shut the fuck up
• *When the guy I like speaks in second period*-You're (NOT YOUR) an idiot.
• *When a slutty girl calls another girl a slut*-Honey, it takes one to know one.
• *When I'm walking in the hallway*- MOVE BITCH
• *When I walk into school*-When am I going to graduate?
• *When I walk out of school*- One day closer to graduation!

My inspiration, Spongebob Squarepants once said "At least I'm safe inside my mind..." Thank the lord, no one knows my inner thoughts.

IG Pics

I wish that there was more than just a generic "Like" button on Instagram. A "LOVE X1000000000000" would be awesome. Here are my favs

Junior Year

      Wow...I feel like I haven't blogged in forever...I guess it was because school started. Well, anyways, I'm officially a junior! So far, the year has been (for lack of a better term) fine. I don't really feel overwhelmed. Yet. I have four core classes, an extra curricular activity that requires being out of school once a month, an officer in training for National Honor Society, and I plan on joining some clubs (one of which Stan happens to be an officer for). I'm really excited for this year, mostly so I can get everything for college done and over with so I can graduate.(Finally!) I plan on taking my SAT and ACT this spring, which seems a little daunting because I did less than perfect on my PSAT last year.
    Last Friday, I decided to speak with my calculus teacher about an issue that really bothered me (not math related but I'd rather not say here). I ended up staying with her for about 25 minutes, mostly her lecturing me (it was a good one) about my issue. She said something that I've never really registered in my mind. I'm currently tied for the valedictorian spot in my grade. She said that people (in my school especially) are very two faced and will sometimes say things to put you down out of jealousy. I never really thought I'm worth envying. She referred to last year's senior class valedictorian, who was widely loved and hated. She said that many people didn't believe that Sara (the valedictorian) deserved the honor. I think it was mostly because of jealousy. This girl was perfect and basically an academic all-around. I guess I just realized that there are (and are going to be) people who don't think I deserve it. Which really blows my mind simply because I do think I deserve it. Not that it really matters. Valedictorian or salutatorian does not equate to better jobs or better money. But for some reason, it means the world to me. It's the best "good job" I can give my mother, my aunt,my grandmother or my family. It's the best "your sacrifices were worth it" I can give to them. That even though one of your sons has gone off the deep end, there's still hope. Why go to school if you don't intend on being your best? For me, that has always meant THE BEST. Or maybe its my competitiveness. One of my friends once asked me "If you could get straight F's for the rest of high school or kill everyone, what would you do?" It wasn't an easy decision but in all honesty, I only see myself talking to two people (and hopefully married to another) after high school ends. That's how much grades mean to me.
       Grades aren't the only important aspect of this year, I also have a lot of things going on outside of school. First and foremost, I'm doing this leadership program. We get to visit the jail, colleges, and important areas all over my county. Plus, I'm guaranteed great food and being out once a month won't affect my perfect attendance. I'm also excited for NHS. We plan on doing a lot of activities that benefit our community. Finally, (cross my fingers) I'm going on College Tour. Its an entire weekend devoted to visiting colleges all over my state (and my dream school is included). Stan went last year and told me about it (including what he ate at each school). I'm so excited.
     I'm interested in what my junior year has in store for me.

To all my kickass women, courtesy of the internet

"In spite of everything I still believe that people are good at heart. I simply cannot build my hopes on a foundation of confusion, misery, and death."-Anne Frank

     One person (other than my mom) who inspires me to achieve greatness is Anne Frank. Anne Frank was a Jewish teenager who wrote a diary while her family was in hiding during the German Occupation of The Netherlands during World War II. I have read multiple biographies of her life and her now famous diary, which I am now considering reading for the third time. My favorite quote from it is " In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can't build my hopes on a foundation of confusion, misery and death." The quote speaks volumes about who she was as a person. She was far wise beyond her years. And now that I think about it, she's right. There are good people in this world. Not everyone is bad. About a week ago, my mother fell while she was trying to drop books off in the bin at the library. Before I got to her, there were  30 people trying to help her.
  I try my best to live up to that quote. To keep an open mind about others.  I know that I've said that "I hate people!" in the past, but now I kinda regret saying that. It's kind of wrong. Unless you've met all 6 (or 7 I forget) billion people, you can't judge them all, especially before meeting most of them. I will love some people and I hate others. But at least I give them all a fair chance in the beginning. Having a negative attitude sets me up for failure. My freshman year of high school, I have to say, I was pretty happy. And I met a lot of people. Some I like, and some I wish I hadn't met. Last year though, I was really unhappy for the most part and I kind of went into my shell. And I didn't really meet anyone new. I hope my junior year (which is less than a week away) will go much better.
   My favorite part of the quote is the last sentence. It's pretty straightforward. Whenever I'm upset, I think to myself "What could happen that would make me happy?" I either give myself two options, food or nothing. Most of my problems stem from things I have no control over. So why fight it? If I'm constantly unhappy, where do my hopes go? Down the toilet. And I've fought too long and too hard for that to happen.
    I love the quote because of the feeling it evokes in me. Anne wrote that down in the attic of an office building in Amsterdam hiding from the Nazis. She knew being caught was certain death. She knew of the atrocities that were happening outside of the building. Yet she remained hopeful. And she was two years younger than me (most likely 14 when she wrote the quote, months away from being caught). If she could muster up all  that strength, then by God I can too.