He he he ;)

If I could find you now, things would get better. We could leave this town and run forever.

                          
    Every one has hopes. Every one has dreams. Every one has a reality. Unfortunately, the reality, our hopes, and our dreams can be very different. I consider myself a dreamer. I have faith in people who don't deserve it. I treat people as nicely as I can even when they don't. You would hope that my karma was well enough that I would be truly happy. But, I'm not. Earlier this week, Kaitlin and Giselle were concerned about me doing a fast for a week to lose weight. One thing led to another and at the end of the day, they persuaded me to not do it. They may be thinking to themselves "Good, we fixed the problem." But they're wrong. Me not doing the fast doesn't change how I feel at all. Now, I think I'm more hopeless than I was before. I want to be thin so badly. But I love my friends. And I wouldn't want to make them upset.
     Lately, so many things have been changing. I don't have a place to call my "home" and quite honestly I think my family is falling apart at its seams. I wish I could go back in time. A time when my mom had money, my brothers and sister were all healthy and happy, and my grandmother was not sick. But its not like that anymore. My brothers are scattered everywhere and my grandmother isn't who she used to be. Whenever I used to get upset, My older brother, Fred, would come into my room, talk to me and give me a big hug. Now that he's gone, I feel like I have nothing. My oldest brother lives a good 200 miles away and the youngest one I rarely see. The only sibling I constantly see is my little sister, who is only 1. Being away from Fred has been the worst. As a child, I looked up to him. And now, he's changed. Sometimes I like to think that he's at home and I'll see him soon. But I won't . I was listening to Yellowcard a couple of days ago and one of the lyrics kinda hit me: " When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by, I can make believe that your here tonight."
     Dreaming gets everyone by. I like to think that dreaming helps us cope with our realities, whatever that may be for each of us. Dreaming keeps our hopes alive as well, giving them motivation to become our realities. In the end, I'm glad that I'm a dreamer.

I wanna see you workout for me.

     Today was OK. I think Kaitlin's worried about my fast. I really don't know why she has any reason to be. I kinda feel bad 'cause when she told me, I kind of gave her a bitchy "I'll be fine." And I will be. I just want to lose enough weight so that everything fits....especially the shorts. Tomorrow night, Demi Lovato's documentary Stay Strong premieres on MTV, here in the US. I really want to see it. I really don't know why. I'm just fascinated by things like eating disorders. To be honest, I think its because I feel the same way about my body. I don't feel so alone. Knowing that there are other people out there that feel hopless about their weight is sorta comforting.
     Wow, I 'm kinda suprised you're still reading this.....I sound so depressed. I'm not. On the lighter side, toay we had to push a car in PE. BR wasn't there...unfortunately. AJ was and he did it in the fastest time: 2 minutes and 18 seconds. The entire time he was doing it, all I could think of was along the lines of "GOD DAMN!" LOOK AT HIM GO!!!!! Believe me, he is extremely easy on the eyes....except I think he has a big ass.......(yes I look there) Every hot guy usually has a nice behind...except him...but remember, every guy has one imperfection.

P.S. I should change my mental disorder from depressed to bipolar disorder judging by the content of this post.

I heart ?

Over the years, I have really calmed down with liking guys. In middle school, I would like 5 guys at the same time...now, its just one...or two. So there's this other guy in my PE class. We'll call him BR. He's a little bit of a dick but at heart, I bet he's really sweet. The best part about it is that I can talk to him. He's still a senior, but I can talk to him and he talks to me. But now I'm conflicted. What about AJ?(He was too busy cozying up with DT on the mats on the floor!)(Stupid slut!) If you haven't been keeping up, he's the one that took a month to utter a word to me. Keep in mind, I have no chance with either one of these guys. Don't you hate it when you equally like two guys at the same time? Well, I do.  
            Yesterday, I told Kaitlin about fasting over spring break. She didn't seem to have much faith in me. But I'm gonna do it. This time, I have inspiration....more like THINSPIRATION. My mom gave me my old pair of shorts from like two years ago and now they don't fit. My goal is by summer, I'm gonna fit into them. To motivate me, I'm gonna leave them on my bed. Or maybe I'll carry them around to remind myself of my goal before I go digging around in the fridge.I want to look back 10 years from now as my "fat years."

Story of my life 2

                             

I want to think of my life life this picture......the road always leads to somewhere.



This one is for Kaitlin, Giselle, and Jennifer...i love you guys



I love Victoria's Secret. If you gave me 1,000,000 dollars, 900,000 of it would go here....the rest would be split evenly amongst Hollister, Aeropastle, and Forever 21.



Cats are gross.....except these.....they're cute as buttons.

To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.

I'm more in love with this picture than I am with you know who........I just noticed that I never gave him an alias....we'll call him AJ. But back to this.....FEAR IS A LIE. I just realized that in life, there really isn't anything to fear. Like JFK once notably said, "There is nothing to fear but fear itself." The title isn't a quote from a song...its actually part of an introduction to Fearless, by Taylor Swift. Fear is a lie that most people buy into.....you cant just stop your life and what is important to you because you are scared. In order to be fearless, you need to live in spite of these things.