So my birthday I coming up soon. I have to say, this is the first time that I'm not sure what I want as a gift or what I want to do for the day. It's so weird. For the last three years, I've wanted to go to this water park that's nearby and every year, something came up so I couldn't go. And every year, I'd let that put a damper on the day I was given life by my mother. I will either spend the day at the beach with my loved ones and then go to dinner or just go to the mall, go shopping, and then out to dinner. I think I'm leaning towards the mall.
Right now, I feel very content with my life. I try to find beauty in all of the imperfections that my life brings. It's pretty damn easy to just sit at home and dwell on the bad things, believe me. And for the past couple of months, that seems like all I was doing. These are supposed to be my prime years, I'm not going to waste them on bad things, especially when I have no control over most of them. Some people will like me, other won't. Friends will come and go. Money comes and goes. Living your life to please others guarantees that you will live a miserable life. You may hold people to a high esteem and more often than not, they will let you down. The people that have stuck with you through your tears are the only ones that deserve your smile. In real life, there will always be problems. Nothing will always be 100% perfect. I think I've accepted that my carefree life is over. Real life is settling in (for me at least). People may put on a persona that they're life is always sunny but everyone has problems. Just because you see smiles doesn't mean there are no tears; the hurt is hiding, always. People deal with their hurt in different ways. Some just smile and get through it. Some become materialistic, ex. "retail therapy." Few turn to drugs. No one ( and I mean no one) is perfect.
I was under the false hope that my teenage years would be the best years of my life. For the most part, they are turning out to be my worst. But why? Because I'm letting that happen. We can't control what we feel, but we can control how we react to it. I keep acting like people can read my mind, and frankly, they can't. I've learned that if you want something, you have to say it. If someone hurt you, try to talk to them. If you're worried about someone, just say it. I need to stop bottling things up and just saying what I feel. Yes, you will hurt some people. But that's life. You won't make everybody happy. There will be people that will hate you just for being yourself and you will piss people off just by smiling. Another source of my unhappiness was my constant comparison to other people. I would look at someone and think "What does she have that I don't?" Then my mind would go into a frenzy. It's not worth it. There are things I have that others don't. There are things others have that I don't. And I'm perfectly okay with it. I have to be thankful what I do have, not jealous over the things I don't have.
If I had a Facebook, this would get a LIKE X1000.
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